30 Nov. 1952 -- 10 Mar. 2011
Janet Shestakov, nee Rossman, was born in Philadelphia PA; the second of three daughters of Leon and Mollie Rossman, all also born in Philadelphia. She had a happy early childhood, happy that is, until the youngest girl, Donna, came around. After that, elder sister Karen kept her first child status and now with Donna, Janet had to yield baby-of-family privileges. Perhaps, this inequity made Janet what she became, a fighter. Nevertheless, her childhood was still joyful. She was extremely fond of her grandfather who kept little Janet under his wing and did not let first-child or baby-sister titles get in the way of his affection. Even late in life, Janet fondly remembered the hand-in-hand strolls she used to take with "Grumpy."
Janet developed a close friendship with her sisters, particularly with Donna, since the two shared a bedroom until Karen went off to college. Unfortunately, Donna is unwilling to share the dirt she has on her sister.
Janet started school in Philadelphia, but finished high school in Teaneck NJ, with a three year pass through Minnesota as her father, Leon accepted new positions. Her beauty belied her intelligence (more about that later.) After finishing high school, she submitted applications to several colleges and on a lark, also applied to NYU and Penn. (Her father, himself a Penn graduate, insisted.) To everyone's surprise (but no doubt, not to her) she was accepted everywhere. And probably to assert her independence, she enrolled in NYU. However, New York did not appeal to her and after a year, she transferred to Penn. Things were going well until the family's financial straits threatened her last year's college tuition. Being a fighter and realizing the importance of an education, Janet tightened her belt, piled on extra classes, went to summer school and finished in three years earning a B.A. in Liberal Arts.
After Penn, Janet returned to Minnesota, worked in office jobs, met and married a handsome young man expecting to settle into the life of a businessman's housewife. Ricky's job took them to Colorado. The clean mountain air had a refreshing, liberating effect on Janet. Marriage, at least not that one, was not for her; she divorced and enrolled at the Univ. of Colorado where she earned a Masters in Public Administration while at the same time, working at Denver's National Jewish Hospital.
In Boulder, she met a brilliant laser physicist grad student. After Bruce finished his thesis, they moved to California where Janet found employment at the Lawrence Livermore National Laboratory. The lab's unique mission and culture does not have universal appeal. Someone with "only'' a Masters in Public Administration and hospital work experience may not fit in easily. Nevertheless, because of Janet's gregarious personality she found a few close friends with whom she never lost touch. Her beauty and poise naturally attracted attention; she met well-connected prospects. However, in 1981, while visiting the lab's swimming pool, Janet met a weirdo who inexplicably appealed to her. In the tumultuous year 1983, they married, bought a new car and a house in the Oakland hills. The house and car purchase led to the marriage, not vice-versa. Only after wondering how to take title did Alek propose with, "Listen, if we're going to buy a house and live in it, maybe we should get married?" Alek had a unique sense of romance.
The informal wedding ceremony was held at the Berkeley Women's Club on September 10, 1983. The honeymoon consisted of one night in a SF hotel. In the morning, Alek left to attend a conference in Switzerland. Janet joined him a week later whereupon they took a three week drive to and throughout Spain, then to Munich, where Alek had finagled a four week visit at the Max Planck Institute, but only for himself. So Janet went home. Somehow, the marriage survived. Janet was very patient.
In ca. 1984, Janet grew restless with the progression of her career. She quit the lab, tried selling insurance, went back to the lab, and, again on a lark, took the law school qualifying exams. To the surprise of some, she scored highly and was accepted at both Stanford and Cal's Boalt Hall. Indeed, after hearing of her success, an acquaintance muttered, "Gee, I didn't know she was that smart.'' No surprise that Legally Blonde was one her favorite movies.
Tough choice then, Cal or Stanford. Cheapskate Alek, who bleeds Blue-n-Gold, convinced her to attend Cal. (One of the few instances when he swayed her opinion.) Nevertheless, he was always proud of Janet's professional success. The two were good partners. They consulted each other before important decisions. Janet always asked for his opinion, "Should I stay at this firm or take the new offer?" After listening to Alek's thoughtful advice, Janet did the opposite. It proved to be a successful system.
While Janet was at Boalt, Alek started sailing lessons to wile away hours. Janet's plan was to again travel to Europe after finishing law school and taking the bar exam. Alek's plan was to center the three month trip around a three week, bareboat cruise in Greece's Cycladic Islands; just the two of them on a 38' yacht. How romantic. Or not. It was an eventful cruise. First night out, the transmission linkage broke in the midst of a stern-to docking in tight quarters. Their yacht sustained enough damage that they replaced it the next day. Three days later, on the way to Paros island, they spent four days riding out a storm, alone in a god-forsaken tiny bay swinging on an anchor. At times, the rain came down sideways. A week later, on a day-long sail to Serifos island, the wind freshened and clocked over to the bow so they had to motor in order to arrive before nightfall. After a 2-3 hour pounding in rough seas, the motor died. Bad diesel fouled the injectors. Up went the sail and they somehow tacked to safety. They complimented each other well that day. Janet was too sick to be scared; Alek, too scared to be sick.
To Alek's astonishment, Janet did not file for divorce upon reaching terra firma. She probably tired of dumping husbands and boyfriends. In fact, she sailed again with Alek. Many times. Besides on SF bay, they bareboated in Washington's San Juan islands, and throughout the eastern Caribbean. Janet was such a competent and confident sailor that on the last Caribbean trip, she took along their two year old son Adrian and their Danish nanny Diana, who, incidentally, was somewhat uneasy with the concept of small boats on a big ocean.
Upon returning from the trip to Greece, which included Holland, Germany, and her favorite: Italy, Janet came home to good news. She passed the bar exam on the first try. (No surprise.) Her legal career led to her a law firm, in-house counsel work for Del Monte Corp., and in 1997 to a position as General Counsel of the Brown & Toland Medical Group. Along the way, she made many, many friends who supported her to her last days, but this gets ahead of her story.
In 1991, Janet endured another bump in the road. The Oakland home she loved perished in the hills fire. She lost everything except her wedding photos and the hand painted dishes she brought back from Deruta, Italy but never used; they were saved for some special occasion. The tragedy brought the couple closer together and taught them that stuff can be replaced; life and love cannot. After the fire, Janet did not skip a beat. She, along with help from her law firm, negotiated with the insurance company and used the proceeds to buy her Lafayette house. The structure had, in architect parlance, "good bones." Otherwise it needed several organ transplants. No problem for Janet, over the course of many years, she remodeled every room and made a lovely home for her family while simultaneously building a successful career.
Professionally, Janet found her calling at Brown & Toland. The firm was just getting off the ground and as with all upstarts, there were a few bruises before things took off. Janet worked for the first CEO, Dr. M. Abel, and from 1999 on, for Superwoman CEO, Gloria Austin. As General Counsel, Janet performed a delicate balance as advocate for the Board of Directors and the executive team. Things did not always go swimmingly. Besides the usual squabbles between boards and executives, there were difficult external issues to contend with. It was sometimes a damned-if-you-do, damned-if-you-don't situation as B&T became a dominant force in San Francisco. Too dominant in the eyes of the FTC. As GC, Janet oversaw the legal team and strategy to keep the firm on the straight and narrow, while maximizing shareholder value. Janet was a true working Mom. Per Alek, her priorities were:
(1) Son Adrian, (2) Brown & Toland, (3) Rex, the family dog, (4) Alek.
Although numbers two and three may be misplaced, Alek is sure about one and four. Nevertheless, the guy got an unbelievable deal. The lady was beautiful, intelligent, adventurous, athletic, and held a responsible executive position. Talk about a trophy wife.
Janet's son Adrian, born in 1995, was, is, the center of her life. At the end of her life, Janet grew very weak. It was hard to understand her. Her last words could well have been, "Adrian, did you do your homework?" She was very proud of him. She struggled mightily against the disease. It's hard to imagine a more determined, valiant fight. Her overwhelming fear and grief were that she would be unable to see Adrian graduate from high school, college, become an adult. She often said, "If I could just get two or three more years."
Janet and Alek had a caring, sharing marriage, full of surprises. One evening, when Adrian was about 6, upon coming home, Alek noticed a strange Audi wagon parked in the driveway. He paid it no mind thinking it was a visitor of their tenant. After dinner, Adrian asked, "So, Dad, how do you like your new car?" Alek was understandably shocked. A long dialogue ensued, "Janet, how could you do this without consulting me?" Etc, etc. As the conversation became more agitated, Adrian was sent upstairs. After one of Alek's monologues, Janet, diplomatically suggested, "SHUT THE F*** UP. IT'S MY MONEY, WE'RE KEEPING THE CAR." Alek always had the last words in such discussions: "Yes, dear."
The Audi was a great buy. After 160k miles, they donated it to Acalanes HS. Alek drove it everywhere. When she bought it, Janet was organizing frequent family ski trips to Tahoe so she insisted on all wheel drive. They drove up so often that Janet decided to buy a second home at Tahoe. She loved that cabin. Her favorite pastime, when she wasn't skiing (alpine or nordic), snowshoeing, or more likely, conversing with Brown & Toland colleagues, was to rock by the stove with a cup of tea looking out at the snow covered forest.
Janet insisted the family make year-round use of the cabin. For summer entertainment, she bought a kayak and a dinghy so Adrian could learn to sail. She researched details of the purchases. The dinghy rigs in 15 minutes and the kayak carries two, typically Alek and Adrian. If her boys were having fun, she was happy.
Janet was generous and always tried to enhance Adrian's perspective so he learn how the rest of world lives. When Adrian was in fifth grade, she sponsored an Acalanes HS foreign exchange student. Danil hailed from Russia. Despite the age gap, the boys bonded. At the end of the school year, Janet took her now expanded family on a weeklong trip to SoCal (Disneyland.) Her hospitality did not end that year. Janet brought Danil back for the next three family summer vacations: to Hawaii, to Yellowstone, and in '09, to Seattle. Last year, before the disease struck, Janet planned to travel to Spain and Portugal and have Danil meet them there. Danil became like a second son. Her iPhone opens with a picture of her three boys standing on the shore of Grand Teton's Jenny Lake.
Janet struggled valiantly against the disease. If there is any good to extract from the fight, it is the amazing support she received from her friends and colleagues. It is sad that it takes a tragedy to bring forth such an outpouring of kindness, concern and love from friends. As the sickness progressed, the support only got stronger. No donor fatigue there. One thing is certain. Love and friendship, no matter how great nor from how many, are no match for cancer. If they were, Janet would still be with us with her infectious smile, enjoying her friends, watching over Adrian, and, as always, working. Indeed, in early February, as the disease was wasting her away, while hospitalized for extreme pain, and while groggy from the medications, Janet sprang to life, and actively participated in an important teleconference during discussions B&T was having with the FTC.
The comfort her friends and family bestowed is indescribable. It's impossible to give an exhaustive list; there are so many names. Nevertheless, we must mention friends/caregivers Diane, from Carmel, and Barbara, from Piedmont. The two ladies spent more time by her side in the past month than with their own families. Sisters Donna and Karen came from the East Coast. During Janet's last weeks, Donna spent more time near Janet than anywhere else. Last December, her friend and colleague, Kelly, flew down from Portland for a week. In her last month, Janet made another friend, her homecare provider Connie. During the course of the disease, Dr. Klompus, Janet's Brown & Toland colleague, personal physician, and more importantly, friend, was always on call. Always. He patiently fielded innumerable late night, or early morning calls to his mobile asking for advice. Janet's oncologist, Dr. Smith, also warrants mention. His caring, positive manner was so comforting.
Life is sometimes unfair. Janet had so much to live for, so much to look forward to and yet endured so much suffering. Alek's colleague, Dennis, noted, "It's not easy getting into this world nor is it easy getting out." Leaving with pancreatic cancer has to be among the worst.
Janet Shestakov is survived by her beloved son Adrian, husband Alek and parents, Leon and Mollie. Her other kin are her sisters Karen and Donna and their extensive families. She leaves behind a large hole in many, many hearts. We will miss her terribly.