Memories

From Mary Juhas:

My dear Janet. 

I can’t believe you have left us.  You were always in perfect control of your life and your surroundings, reaching the top in everything you did.  And now this.  How could this happen to somebody like you?  I never realized that I’ve had a 30-year “girl crush” on you.  I even bought Italian contemporary bedroom furniture because you did!  Now that’s commitment, girl!  I couldn’t be as thin and petite as you are, and I’d never have the fabulous hair that you had.  But what I COULD do was to work my butt off and be the best I could be in my career and family life – just like you did.  

I remember how much you and Alek were in love.  There were many lustful eye exchanges in that pool at the Lab.  I think you two must have raised the water temperature a few degrees on some days.

Our friendship started in the “cooler” at the Lab as we awaited our security clearances.  Since we were both runners and swimmers, the friendship grew and soon Monya, Elane, you and I (the Four Musketeers) were doing weekend runs in the Berkeley hills.  Of course these runs were finished with a stop at the Bread Garden bakery (where you always made healthy choices) and Peet’s.  Later came the Christmas relay teams and triathlon teams. What fun we had.  And how about the sushi dinners (before sushi was cool) in Berkeley, Oakland, etc.?  We had weekend shopping trips to Nordie’s – oh yes!  I remember on my birthday – must have been 27th or 28th – when you, Elane, and Monya showed up unannounced in my office with gorgeous gifts.  There was pair of titanium earrings – heat tinted to beautiful colors.  Interestingly, I later studied titanium alloys in my career at Ohio State.  And there was a beautiful set of four soup bowls from Gump’s.  I think of you guys each time we use them – which is limited to special occasions.

How about the time we went skiing at Tahoe and stayed in Craig M’s cabin?  Alek had to “talk us down” a mogul hill at Squaw.  Then the next day, we showed him and destroyed a black diamond run at North Star.  Remember when John and I had just moved to Paris and you guys joined us?  You somehow locked your hotel key inside the room and, as only in France, it became a national emergency to get it removed.   

When John and I left the Bay Area to move to Ohio, you and Alek hosted a lovely going away party for us.  It was such a kind gesture and a lasting warm memory of our happy days in California.   I’m glad we stayed in touch, dear Janet.  And I’m glad the last words we exchanged in January were, “I love you.”

Your friend forever,

Mare

From John Crane:

Janet and Alek

This is a story I have never told about my first encounter with Janet Rossman. I came to the Lab (LLNL) in 1978. I was a fairly serious runner in grad school but was plagued by injury, so in 1980, when the Lab began keeping the pool open year round I switched to lap swimming. I grew up in apart of the country that does not have competitive swimming (southern Illinois and Indiana) but I was always one of the best swimmers at scout camp and in the neighborhood. I would go to the Lab pool at noon and do my 72 laps for a mile. My goal was to beat a fellow, Bruce Shore, who was 15-20 years older than me. One day as I was swimming my mile a guy jumped into the lane next to me andstarted swimming laps. He was astonishingly fast- he was kicking with a kickboard and going as fast as I was swimming. When he started swimming I noticed he was lapping me every six laps. So he was swimming 200 yards to my 150. I asked around and found out he was Alek Shestakov and that he had swum for Cal. I had never swum next to a college swimmer so I was mightily impressed, especially since I considered myself an above average swimmer.

I was living in Livermore in those days and had a regular Sunday morning routine. I lived a couple of blocks south of the high school on McLeod. I would get up and walk to a bakery on Livermore Ave. about a half block from 1st St. I would get a couple of pastries and the Sunday Chronicle and walk back home and read the paper. One Sunday I was walking to the bakery and I saw Alek outside of his two story house washing his car and talking to a nice-looking blond woman who I supposed was his wife or girl friend- this was a couple of years before I became friends with Janet and Alek. She headed off a half block in front of me and in the same direction. We both ended up in line at the bakery. I was standing directly behind her in line when she turned around and smiled at me with the most beautiful gray-green eyes I had ever seen. I thought “wow, this guy Alek has it all- he is a fantastic athlete and he is going with the most beautiful woman I have seen in a longtime.”

Janet’s natural mothering skills came out even before Adrian was born. My family went sailing with Alek and Janet when my sons were 2 and 4 years old. Janet took to my younger son Jeremy from the very beginning and Jeremy seemed to be smitten by Janet as well. I believe he spent the entiresailing trip sitting in her lap. At the end of the trip Jeremy seemed to becontent to just remain with his new friend.

I had occasion to witness Alek’s devotion to Janet and his mother, who he also recently lost. Alek invited me up to their cabin in Truckee 3 years ago to once again demonstrate his physical superiority in a different athletic endeavor- cycling this time. We were to ride bikes around Lake Tahoe on Saturday. We drove up to Tahoe Friday after work in rush hour traffic. Alek had one of the first hand’s-free cell phones, enabling him to talk and drive at the same time. He must have talked to Janet and his mother a dozen times on the drive up. This was a side of Alek I was seeing for the first time. But the side of Alek I was more familiar with surfaced the next morning as he kicked my butt on the ride around the Lake.

From Maria Rivera:

Janet. Smart. Disciplined. Beautiful. Tireless. Loving. Restless. Generous. Forgiving.

Concerned. Kind. Humble. Athletic. Powerful. Gifted. Charming. Provocative. Strong.

A stunning Tapestry. A gift to all of us that we did not appreciate enough in her lifetime.

“For what is it to die but to stand naked in the wind and to melt into the sun?

Only when you drink from the river of silence shall you indeed sing.

And when the earth shall claim your limbs, then shall you truly dance.”

From Kelli Robertson:

I met Janet when our boys entered the 6th grade.  Sometime during the beginning of the school year the boys started developing a friendship and like the good mom Janet was, she wanted to check out the other mom.  I am certainly glad I passed because I met a dynamic lady that over the next five years a friendship would develop.

As I look back over these years, most of our conversations happened when we picked up or dropped the boys off.  At first I wasn’t sure if Janet liked me because she was so intense and sure of herself.  But in a short time, I realized she liked and trusted me.  When our family had to deal with issues of our eldest child, Janet was always supportive and let us have Adrian over to our house and up to our cabin.  Janet always asked questions, was interested in how we coped and was very supportive.  She was always there to help us with Kevin  (the youngest).

In recent years we got together for lunch and a few walks on the reservoir.   Those are cherished memories of mom’s being straight up with each other.  I learned that Janet was funny as much as she was smart and what she had accomplished.  As recently as December she was talking about Mike and I joining her and Alek in Tahoe for a weekend.  How I wish we hadn’t waited.

It’s been a privilege to have been a small part in Janet’s life.  In the short time I have known her, I’ve felt like her friend.  She will be truly missed but always much loved and remembered in our hearts.

To Alek and Adrian, there are no words to express our sorrow. 

Kelli Robertson and Family

From Craig Meacham:

Almost 29 years ago Alek introduced us to Janet. Since then we were very fortunate to share many wonderful and memorable times together. Janets physical beauty was obvious to everyone who saw her. A very gorgeous woman. Her strong will a good match for her Russian / Yugoslav husband.

Her sense of humor,  smile and laugh a treat to us all.

Of all our times together, two sailing trips in the Caribbean anchored our relationship forever. Janet at the wheel of our little boat, sailing us up and over the waves that had come to us all the way from Africa. She would say in her firm but polite way "That's enough boys!" when Al and I would try and judge the waves height in terms of a houses height, including the foundation and the roof or just the roof. Lesson learned... do not try to intimidate her.

Other times, on the ski hill watching her teaching a four year old son to "pizza pie those skis!" was a precious time for us too since we have no children. Hanging at Donner Lake, watching her ride herd on Rex, Al and Adrian all at the same time was a testimony to her skill at organizing and a bit comical; herding cats would be easier.

When she decided to go to law school the thought of "you are leaving a good job to do what now?" passed through more than one mind I'm sure. But there was no turning back and we all learned  another good lesson in  determination. Hey, this woman is serious in seeing dreams come true.

Many other good memories have been flooding through the mind recently,offset by tears. The loss of a dear friend way too early is hard to swallow. Our thoughts and prayers are with Janets family and loved ones. We know that she touched many,many people with  her qualities which we will admire every time we think of her. We will not get over her loss soon and are grateful to have known her as a very good friend. Love is a word that can be tossed around loosely at times, but we really do love our "little Janet" and will miss her with all or heart. Good friends are hard to find but harder to lose. I just wish I had the elusive magic wand now.

With the fondest of memories,

Craig and Susan

From Ann Bundy:

Heart strong but body weakening,

We watched helplessly as you fought your most valiant battle.

Our last walk together among the budding bright daffodils;

Your love for Adrian shining through brighter than any flower.

He will do great…

His is your son, now and forever.

Love abides in your lingering presence in our hearts, minds, and memories.

We love you Janet, and you are never to be forgotten.

From Lauren Bundy:

It was in the summer of 2002 when Janet came into my life in a more intimate way. That summer I nannied for Adrian. Adrian and I had a great time. I remember most vividly playing in the pool with plastic Godzillas and water toys not fit for adults. I didn’t even know how to use the gun thing until Adrian let me know: “It works like THIS.”

Adrian was a good shot. He was particularly great at surprising me. I’d reload my gun for a minute with my back turned towards him and boom—I was toast.

Spending that quality time with Adrian meant that I also got to spend some quality time with Janet. Her son was a lot like her. While Janet maintained mellow composure when we met to discuss logistics etc., her eyes expressed her sharpness and sense of fun. Janet would be looking at the kitchen counter and then suddenly, Adrian was busted for being on the other side because he was eavesdropping. Janet would then shoo him and assert her parental authority with calmness and grace. In spite of more major infractions on Adrian’s behalf, it was like Janet was always cooing at her only son; even if her voice was perhaps a tad more audible.

Janet was kind beyond all measure. Adrian was spirited and silly beyond all measure. He was a kid—a really fun, great kid and being a part of their lives for that summer was something I will treasure in my heart in the time to come.

From Mary Wujek:

Shep nachas is a wonderful Yiddish term: the special pleasure and pride that only a child can give to parents.  Our Yiddish was limited to an occasional mazel tov, but Janet and I shared special moments as “young” mothers of toddlers, even as we were in our 40s with demanding careers and “high spirited” little ones.  Shep nachas was especially sweet, as we knew it nearly eluded us.

I will always remember—and we later recalled this moment together—sitting on the couch in our Lafayette home while our children played outside.  (But wait, you say, how could it be that the children were not under our watchful eyes? Usually, we spent all our non-work time absorbed in our children’s activities. But our nannies, Diana (Dee- anna) and Debbie (the Brit) had just introduced us.) So we relaxed a few moments and got to know each other while waiting for Adrian and Lisie to return.

The room’s energy level soared as the children ran in, side by side.  We shared that delightful moment when a young child first sees his or her mother.  In this case, Adrian and Lisie—squealing and flushed by play—saw us and came running towards us like a matched pair of horses. 

Such a simple and mundane, everyday moment:  Lisie ran to me and buried herself in my arms.  Adrian ran to Janet, hugged her like a lightning bolt, and somehow he continued running up her, over her, and over the back of the couch!  We collapsed in laughter and talked of how practical experience had easily trumped some of our feminist notions of “equality.”  But fundamentally, we shared nachas, enjoyment of our children, especially through their pre-school years.

Being deprived of her role as mother is but one aspect of what makes Janet’s death so cruel to her and to us.  And so I pray that mother’s love, universal love, protects and comforts Alek and Adrian and us all.  

Written Thanksgiving Day 2010

Rachel Fields

Interrupted

The mother who is caring for my son today

The one who prepares the turkey

and lays out a sleeping bag for him

on her cabin floor

Has a vicious cancer growing in her belly

I bet she flossed her teeth daily

Haven taken immaculate care of her body

Doing all that is recommended and more

Long runs, low weight, optimism and a generous spirit

Cancer intertwined with vital arteries

impossible to cut out

The mother who is caring for my son this Thanksgiving

continues to care for her own boy everyday

“Are you getting better mom?” he recently asked

“It's complicated” she said

and then they were interrupted

On walks she still asks me about my life

I oblige, careful not to complain,

and still she says

“You have a lot on your plate.

Is there anything I can do?”

This mother asks a lot of questions about my son,

the challenges he is facing, this boy she knows,

a child she has cared for countless times.

“He has a heart of gold” she says,

as these words reach my ears

something softens and warms

followed swiftly by a hard knot,

mangled helplessness, injustice.

“It looks like we are going away for a week”

she told me over the phone, when she was packing up,

“but it's only one night.”

Now I imagine her waking the boys,

lovingly offering breakfast,

reminding their sleepy teen brains

that they have planned a day of snowboarding

before Thanksgiving dinner,

but, alas, I learn later

when my boy is safely home

he regrets that they did not have enough time.